#620
Um, hello? Anyone?
Date: 09/21/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
What was that about explosives? You see, I didn't hear you because I'm still on the floor, what with the massive blood loss and all. And drinking the booze that I just stole from the bar was certainlly a stupid move. I don't even remember how I got up. And I also...HEY, LOOK!!! Cutie wootie little aminals. Oooooohhhhh.....
Mickey T. Gardener
3rd place Wacky Racer
Time?Space Expert
Really could use a hand
MST3K RELATED: Also check for anteaters, I forgot about those little bastards.
#621
[Meanwhile, as thousands of small...
Date: 09/21/2001
From: PharaohMobius
... furry animals swarm into the bar, all the people within rush for the emergency exit. PM gasps, runs to the loose floorboard, picks up the heart, and dives out the window, narrowly avoiding the gigantic
*******EXPLOSION********]
[PM, coughing.] Phew! I managed to save it!
[Lita, Rimmer, and Rick are standing in front of PM. They stare at him as he picks himself up off the ground.]
[Lita] Umm, PM, why do you have an anteater heart?
[Rimmer] She means an ICKY, EEWIE anteater heart!
[Lita] Riiiiight. So spill it, Pflafhahafooo. Why would you want to put that... that THING in your body?
[PM] Whoah whoah, slow down. Who said I was putting this in my body?
[Rick] That's what you told me, boss.
[PM] No, no, no! I said that if I ever needed to replace my heart I could steal someone else's and replace *their* heart with this anteater heart!
[Rimmer] Why would you go to all that trouble? Why not just steal their heart and let them die?
[PM, shocked.] That would be *evil*! And bad form, too. No, better to give them the heart of a stupid, disgusting anteater, and gloat over them for the rest of their miserable, anteatery lives! I get all tingly just thinking about it! MUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[Lita] Errrmm... yeah. Well, I've gotta be going now. I have to give Evil Mike a talking to about this whole small animal kamakaze thing.
[Rimmer] And I've got to get back to trying to steal Evil Mike away from Lita. Later!
[Lita and Rimmer depart. Rapidly.]
[PM and Rick stand and watch the smouldering remains of MSTBlanca cool down. After a few moments of silence, PM shakes his head.]
[PM] I still can't believe it.
[Rick] What?
[PM] That they thought I looked like Clinton. I mean, really! I don't have any gray hair, for one thing! And my nose is definitely a LOT less W.C. Fields-like.
[Rick] It was the dim lighting, boss. You know you can't get a good look at what anybody looks like in a bar.
[PM] I know, but Bill Clinton?!? SHEESH!!!
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Owner and Operator of MSTBlanca
o/` My bar, my bar, my bar is burning down o/`
and I don't look ANYTHING like Clinton!
blasted Sarcophagus!
#622
BOOOM !!! Lita: So, Mickey's dead now?
Date: 09/21/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
Rimmer: I guess so.
PM: We should hold a moment of silence.
(everyone looks around for a second)
Lita: Well that was a downer. Who wants pop tarts?
(everyone cheers and leaves the scene. Meanwhile, Waldo emerges from the ruins of the MST Blanca with the barely hanging on to life Mickey.
Mickey: Hey, everyone? Where...? Don't you want to hear my harrowing tale of survival?
Waldo: I do.
Mickey: You shutup. Why can't I have disposable sidekicks?
Mickey T. Gardener
3rd Place Wacky Racer
Time/Space Expert
Thanks a lot, everybody!!!
#623
Silly rabbi! Kix are for Trids!
Date: 09/21/2001
From: PharaohMobius
[PM] Everybody knows that that wasn't really Mickey lying there bleeding in the bar before it exploded!
[Rick] It wasn't?
[PM] Nah! It was just a telepresence hologram of Mickey. The real Mickey's still in his home!
[Rick] Bleeding and drinking.
[PM] Precisely!
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
Maybe I ought to send an ambulance to Mickey's house...
#624
Rimmi: So, what happen'd to thede--
Date: 09/21/2001
From: thedeadoutkast
<is inturupted as A time portal opens up behind her. TDO comes out and pulls her in>
TDO: HEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!
<portal closes as they both vanish>
Lita: What was that Rimmer?
<turns to find no one>
Lita: Well, im sure it wasnt important.
TDO
likes ass
lives over the MAtmos
the fumes make him want to "play" hehehe...
#625
TDO, what are you smokin'?
Date: 09/21/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
{Gracious that boy has silly delusions. He keeps imagining that he's kidnapping me. How crazy can you get?}
<Rimmi follows Lita away from the destroyed MSTBlanca.>
Rim: I'm not sure about those photos Lita. I was sure they were PharaohDoughBoyus and not Bill Clinton. How could I have been wrong about that?
Lita: Maybe you need your eyes checked.
Rim: Perhaps. Luckily I sent the negatives to Mrs. Hargrove. She'll be able to tell for sure if she can get to the photo lab before it closes.
<Rimmi makes a mental note to have her ass checked for anteaters although she's sure she won't find any. You can never be too safe about wicked anteaters.>
#626
<Back at Lita's place>
Date: 09/21/2001
From: Carmelita9000
<Lita is lecturing Evil Mike very sternly about the evils of strapping explosives to tiny little animals and sending them to their deaths. EM has little choice but to listen, as Lita's locked his head and hands in a set of stocks.>
Lita: ...so you see, Evil Michael, that's why it's wrong to explode cute loveable animals.
EM: Yeah, ok. So, you're here... so I take it you didn't all die.
Lita: No. We didn't all die.
EM: Damn!
Lita: Er... actually, nobody died.
EM: Nobody?
Lita: No. Not even the people who couldn't get to the exits in time. They all miraculously survived.
EM: DAMN! Everybody was supposed to die! That was the whole point!
Lita: So why did you call to warn us to evacuate?
EM: DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! The fatal error in my plan!
Lita: Quit saying damn.
EM: What about Mickey? What happened to him?
<Lita and EM hear sirens blare, as an ambulance drives past the house.>
Lita: I guess that answers that question.
EM: No it doesn't! I just remembered that guy owes me twenty bucks!
Lita: He does? What for?
EM: For that time I sold him your... er... Just because. Hey, what did you bring back from the bar?
<Lita starts unpacking.>
Lita: My crowbar, lots and lots of booze, <EM: Score!> these semi-priceless relics, and these pictures. Check em out.
EM: Oh, that's revolting! What is PM doing with that filthy plague-ridden anteater?
Lita: Pharafolah says that's a Bill Clinton in the picture.
EM: Bill Clinton isn't an anteater... is he?
Lita: No... I mean that guy there. That's not PM. PM says that's Clinton.
EM: BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You believed him?
Lita: Anyway... Rimmer said she was going to have that checked. That's what we got.
EM: There's some other stuff in that bag.
Lita: Oh, that's just a couple of dirty videotapes of me that I had to take back from MSTBlanca. I don't need people seeing these.
EM: <thinking> Hmm... I wonder how much people would pay for copies of these?
Lita: What?
EM: Nothing! I didn't say anything!
Lita: You were thinking rather loudly. Don't let it happen again. It's creepy.
EM: You couldn't tell what I was thinking, right?
Lita: No.
EM: Good.
<Just then, a portal opens up. Rimmer jumps out, dressed in animal skins, and holding a club.>
Rimmer: Hi!
EM: Ass!
Lita: What are you doing here?
Rimmer: TDO pulled me into a time portal, and took me back to the stone age with the pathetic hope that he could take advantage of me. What he failed to anticipate, was that naturally, the natives loved me, and they made me their queen. I immediately banished TDO to the Frightening Wasteland of Ravenous Dinosaurs. I ruled my clan of cavepeople happily for 5 years, and learned their simple ways, and their complex language of grunting and pointing. But then a vortex opened up and a group of trans-dimensional-travelers, called "Sliders," who had somehow lost their way home jumped out. I left my subjects, and spent quite a while "Sliding" through an infinite amount of alternate universes with my new friends. We had many incredible, but dangerous adventures. Sadly, one by one they all got killed, until I was the only one left to open and close the portals between dimensions. But finally, I found the coordinates that would lead me back to my own dimension, and my own time. I punched it in, and here I am.
Lita: Do you ever shut up?
Rimmer: I'll be liberating Evil Mike now.
Lita: No! Go away!
Rimmer: Well, fine! Be that way! But at least let me know when you want to take our revenge on PM.
Lita: Any time. It's just we can't really do much to MSTBlanca until it gets rebuilt, or we find out what's really in those pictures. So unless you have any other ideas.
Rimmer: Not at the moment, no.
Lita: Ok. I'll call you a cab.
<Lita leaves the room>
EM: So. Ass. How you been?
Rimmer: There are other yous in other dimensions, you know.
EM: Are they as handsome as I am?
Rimmer: One of them was an anteater.
<Lita returns.>
Lita: Your cab will be here any minute. Want a soda or something?
Rimmer: No. If you knew what they put in that stuff in some universes...
Lita: Huh.
<Things are pretty awkward until the cab arrives. Lita gives Rimmer cab fare, and Rimmer heads off for home.>
Lita: So. I guess that takes care of everything.
EM: When are you going to let me out of this thing?
Lita: You've been bad! You're being punished!
EM: Are you going to spank me?
Lita: Oh, shut up!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is incredibly generous
#627
I present, PharaohMobius:
Date: 09/21/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
Sorry for the periods. I'm trying to reconstruct this and it's difficult with this type of message board because it left justifies everything.
...._....._
....\:\:/:/.
../=\_.@._/=\
./==/._._.\==\
/==(...-...)==\
|===\..=../===|
\====|-V-|====/
.\===|...|===/
..|==|...|==|
..'=.|...|.='
I'm crossing my fingers an hoping this comes out right!
#628
Oh well. That was the mummified PM...
Date: 09/21/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
after several centuries of decay. That's why he's so skinny and emaciated. Looks like he wasn't only dead but he had a vicious case of post-mortem acne.
#629
Um- uh oh! Okay. Here's PM's corpse...
Date: 09/21/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
being eaten by rats. OH GOD!!! They're eating his eyes!!
...._....._
....\:\:/:/.
../=\_.@._/=\
./==/._._<:8)))~~~
/==(...-...)==\
|===\..=.<;8)))~~~
\===|-V-|===/
.\===|...|===/
..|==|...|==|
..'=.|...<:8)))~~~
~~~(((8:>
#630
<rimmis room as she checks for traps,>
Date: 09/21/2001
From: thedeadoutkast
RImmi: man, i cant beleivethe day i had. my PM corpse was eaten by rats, the bar i was lootin got blown away, and i was abducted. What else could happen?
<she feels something in her hair and pulls it out. a little red box.>
Rimmi: well whats this?
<box opens up. a little toy dancing TDo comes out.>
TOY TDO: misses lovley endowed Rimmer
please allow your anger to simmer
i feel bad the way treated you
lets be friends, our whole lives through
Rimmi: That's nice. he feels bad and wants to make up.
Toy TDO: heres a gift that cant be beat
a vaporious gas thats puts you to sleep
<toy tdo shoots a gas out of his mouth>
RImmi: Ah nuts! <falls asleep and falls into TDO's arms, who just snuck into her room>
TDO: Ah my sweet-ass Rimmer. You dont seem to understand. When i put my mind to something, it'll be mine one way or another. Now you are mine and we will share the passions of forbidden love...
<LEaps out the window with her in his arms and lands right into his time plane.>
#631
<AJR is in her room, checking her body..
Date: 09/21/2001
From: thedeadoutkast
.. for traps>
RImmi: man, i cant beleivethe day i had. my PM corpse was eaten by rats, the bar i was lootin got blown away, and i was abducted. What else could happen?
<she feels something in her hair and pulls it out. a little red box.>
Rimmi: well whats this?
<box opens up. a little toy dancing TDo comes out.>
TOY TDO: misses lovley endowed Rimmer
please allow your anger to simmer
i feel bad the way treated you
lets be friends, our whole lives through
Rimmi: That's nice. he feels bad and wants to make up.
Toy TDO: heres a gift that cant be beat
a vaporious gas thats puts you to sleep
<toy tdo shoots a gas out of his mouth>
RImmi: Ah nuts! <falls asleep and falls into TDO's arms, who just snuck into her room>
TDO: Ah my sweet-ass Rimmer. You dont seem to understand. When i put my mind to something, it'll be mine one way or another. Now you are mine and we will share the passions of forbidden love...
<LEaps out the window with her in his arms and lands right into his time plane.>
#632
Doctor: Sit still, damn you!!!
Date: 09/21/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
Mickey: Can't...must...tell...Rimmer...more...things to....check...for on her......ass.
(later, in his hospital room; Evil Mike, who somehow, got away from Lita, busts in)
Evil Mike: Where's my 20, you bastard???!!!
Mickey: Well...(cough), where's that thing I bought from you. You never gave it to me.
Evil Mike: Oh yeah...I can be so stupid sometimes. Gotta go.
Mickey: Well, at least I'm not the only one with a lousy sidekick. Of course, I have two of them, damn it. (turns on the news) Wonder how my Best Brains stock did today...
News anchor: An explosion rocked downtown BBoard today, as the MSTBlanca was once again blown up. There was only one victim today, an idiot wearing a red striped shirt...Try and find his corpse in the rubble. No, that's not it, that's an umbrella. Try again.
Mickey: (cough) Wow, that's sad. That one, on the right...the right, damn it!!!
Mickey T. Gardener
3rd Place Wacky Racer
Time/Space Expert
Glad he's not dead
#633
Summer's Almost Gone
Date: 09/22/2001
From: HenryX
Summer's almost gone
Summer's almost gone
Almost gone... yeah, it's almost gone
Where will we be, when the summer's gone?
Morning found us calmly unaware
Noon burned gold into our hair
At night, we swam the laughing sea
When summer's gone, where will we be?
Where will we be?
Where will we be?
Morning found us calmly unaware
Noon burned gold into our hair
At night, we swam the laughing sea
When summer's gone, where will we be?
Summer's almost gone
Summer's almost gone
We had some good times, but they're gone
The winter's coming on
Summer's almost gone.
Words and music by The Doors
© 1968 Nipper Music
#634
WHOA! first one did get through.
Date: 09/22/2001
From: thedeadoutkast
<Rimmer is asleep on a bed in TDO's lab. TDO is lying next to her, watching her sleep.>
TDO: She's so beautiful. never really looked at her face before. She looks so peaceful. Her face like the smooth silk of.... things that have smooth silk.
<RImmer begin to wake up.>
AJR: uuuhhh...
TDO: She wakes. what will be her reaction to this place.
KRANKor(on a voice phone): We know its not a clone. Itsthe real her this time.
TDO: Good. And now, she is mine.
<Rimmer wakes up>
AJR: oooohh OH! YOU AGAIN!
TDO: Yeah, me again.
AJR: How am i-- wait a minute? Now i remember! You put that stupid music box in my hair and it put me to sleep.
TDO: Yes, but why do you fight, my sweet? Dont you see tha i lo--
AJR: jsut shut up for a minute! What about Steffi? I thought you were wit--
TDO: DONT YOU EVER SAY THAT DIRTY SLUTS NAME AGAIN!
AJR(frightened: ...kay.
TDO: She ran off with Torgo. I turn my back for two seconds and she starts eyeing my henchmen? What's that about?
AJR: wow... i feel kinda sorry for--
<tdo hops on top of her.>
TDO: You mean you really do love me?! THATS GREAT!
AJR: <pushes him off> thats not what i--!
TDO: NO! STOP TALKING! you belong to me now. And someday soon, we will share the pleasures that only two people can enjoy...
AJR:... Yatzee?
TDO: NO i mean-- Whatever! just remember your mine forever. < hops out of the bed.>
AJR: Now look. i cant stay here. i got--
<attempts to follow, but is stopped by an invisible barrier.>
TDO: Thats my little security measure. Its a force field only i can pass through. NOw just stay there and be ready.
AJR: AW NUTS!!
<evil music starts playing>
TDO
wants to be like mike
and servo too...
is one sick puppy.
#635
Hey Guys!
Date: 09/22/2001
From: h_wood
<h_wood walks back into what remains of ye olde MSTBlanca>
h_wood: Hey guys, just got back from work. Did I miss anything? Guys? Guys??? Hello...
h_wood
This is one Santa who's going out the old fashioned way:
"Gun's a-blazin!"
Santa Conquers Martians
#636
<Lita is sharing a plate of nachos...
Date: 09/22/2001
From: Carmelita9000
...with Evil Mike>
Lita: Wow. Weird week, huh?
EM: Yeah, I guess. That was weird what Ass told us about her adventures through time.
Lita: Yeah... but somehow I doubt that ever even happened.
EM: Really?
Lita: Uh-huh. I don't think she was ever really kidnapped. Just like I really doubt she's kidnapped now.
EM: Then how do you explain...
Lita: You see, what TDO doesn't seem to realize is...
EM: Oh, here we go.
Lita: It's one thing to kidnap and get all weird about an imaginary person such as Steffi.
EM: Imaginary?
Lita: See, she's not real, so even though it's still kind of creepy to all the rest of us who are reading it, it's still not really bad. It's still just fake, you know?
EM: Huh.
Lita: But kidnapping and harassing Rimmer isn't the same as kidnapping and harassing Steffi. There is a real, live person behind Rimmer's handle. And this real, live person has made it known that she isn't comfortable with the way TDO is behaving toward her. Kidnapping a real, live person, even if you're just saying you're doing so on an internet bboard--
EM: Internet? The hell?
Lita: --crosses a line. It's really creepy, kind of gross, and a little scary. You see?
EM: No.
Lita: So I completely understand and support Rimmer's request that we ignore TDO's "Rimmer Kidnapping" posts. They really bother her, and we're all here to have fun, not to frighten each other.
EM: Maybe TDO's idea of fun is to frighten people.
Lita: That might be true, but his right to have fun doesn't extend to infringing on Rimmer's right to feel safe.
EM: Well that's pretty wussy. If I were Ass, I'd just kick him in the head and have it done with.
Lita: But he doesn't take a hint. See? So, as far as most of us are concerned, TDO is just sitting in his room having weird little fantasies, but Rimmer is still safe, far from his evil clutches. Got it?
EM: Ok.... But if Ass never really got kidnapped, who was that chick who came into our house through that dimensional vortex?
Lita: Well, I could say that that was a misguided Rimmer Double from another dimension, who thinks she's found her home universe, but really hasn't. Or I could say that Rimmer found a vortex opener thingie in the wreckage of MSTBlanca (PM always has all kinds of weird techno-crap around) and was just playing some kind of practical joke on us, involving making up a bunch of stuff about prehistoric tribes and dinosaurs and Sliders and stuff. Or we can say that she was just a figment of our imagination--
EM: How could we both have the exact same figment of our imagination?
Lita: --Or maybe she was just a robot. Or maybe some other explanation. I don't know. I think it should be up to Rimmer.
EM: What, Ass just gets to decide reality?
Lita: She does, insofar as it's her handle that's involved. We shouldn't be able to force her to do stuff she really doesn't want to do. Even in an imaginary world.
EM: Imaginary? Lita, are you high?
Lita: Don't worry your pretty little head about it. Just eat your nachos.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of etc, etc.
feels sorry for Evil Mike,
'cause he doesn't know The Truth
#637
Thanks again Lita. Cut it out TDO!
Date: 09/22/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
I've been friendly so far but now I'm being as clear as I can possibly be. TDO, stop it right now. No more imaginary kidnappings or fondlings or harassment. If you continue we are all ignoring you. I'm ignoring you until you straighten yourself out.
<Rimmi rings Lita's doorbell which plays "Camp Town Races." Rimmi rolls her eyes as Lita opens the door.>
Rimmi: Hey. I just back from my tour of 100 cities in 1 day. It's a charity drive I'm calling Rimmermania and all I had to do was live with 12 people on a bboard to get this attention. Actually it was 11 people. TDO was evicted for kidnapping me.
<Rimmi motions to her travel bus as Mrs. Hargrove unloads a sarcophagus>
My biggest attraction was PharaohMobius' corpse. It's odd that he's still alive and all but somehow I acquired this body in New Orleans and it sure does bring in the fans. Rats have eaten the eyeballs but it's still in good shape. I think it's him from a freaky alternate universe. I've heard you were visited by an alternate me. That must have been something, eh? I'll bet she wasn't as cute as I am. Nor were any of the other alternate Rimmers. I bet I can mathmatically prove that I am the cutest of all Rimmers.
Lita: Just can't stop talking about yourself can you?
Evil Mike: Shut up! Keep talking Ass-er- Rimmer.
Rimmi: Thank you. I'll have to prove I'm cuter later. Right now I wanted to tell you that I have a cunning plan to get PharaohMoreBoozius. While in New Orleans I learned some freaky voodoo spells. This mummy of Pharaoh is our ticket to getting him good! What do you say?
#638
No problem Rim.
Date: 09/22/2001
From: Carmelita9000
I imagine that if TDO was doing this to me, I'd be mighty pissed off. Hopefully he'll get the point. I'm sure we wouldn't want to have to e-mail Glenn...
Voodoo, eh? I'm sure it violates one or all of my religious beliefs, but what the hell? So does just about everything else I've been doing here since we got on this whole Revenge on PM thing. My philosophy of the moment is, "Whatever you do, do it with Gusto." This is certainly all out, so I'm all for it. I'll have Evil Mike go find the pins and the Zombie Powder. <Evil Mike: Zombie Powder? Oh! You mean the Essence of Emeril!> Er... yes. Essence of Emiril. From here on to be referred to as Zombie Powder. I just have one question, though. That's not really Pharaolola's body in that sarcophagus, is it? <loud banging and shouting emanates from the sarcophagus, which seems to be duct-taped shut> Oh! Well! I guess that answers that question! I hope he likes rats!
Oh, and do you mind at least waiting until I'm not looking before you pinch Evil Mike's butt? Just seems like common courtesy, since this is *my* house and he's *my* henchman and all. Evil Mike! Stop enjoying that!
One more thing. Whatever happened to the alternate Rimmer? I put her in a cab headed for your house.
Lita
#639
Oh! He is dead!
Date: 09/22/2001
From: Carmelita9000
I just looked back, and it's an alternate PM, and he is dead! Ok! So I guess those noises I heard coming from the sarcophagus were just the otherworldly moanings of a ghost! Great! What a strange universe this is that we barely understand, eh?
Evil Mike: And now our house is haunted. Thanks a lot, Ass.
Rimmer: Stop calling me Ass! He's just haunting the sarcophagus, I think. And he's not all that scary. He's actually really good at knock-knock jokes. Were you planning to go get that voodoo stuff?
Evil Mike: Oh yeah. Pins and Essence--
Lita: Zombie Powder.
Evil Mike: --Zombie Powder of Emeril. Right. I think we have some Western Style Zombie Powder!
#640
Joel From Eye Creatures:
Date: 09/22/2001
From: h_wood
"I'd just like to take this opportunity to apologize on behalf of the male gender..."
Sorry TDO, nothing personal, but that was pretty weird, it's apparent it wasn't taken very well. I'd suggest apologizing & then letting it go...
Alan
#641
<walks in with a bowl of cereal>
Date: 09/22/2001
From: wurwolf
Hey guys, what's up? TDO, leave Rimmi alone, she's my bitch. I'm the one who gets to fool around with her!
I'm just now getting back into the swing of things, and thought I'd check this post out. Cool beans, you guys are still going at it! And there's been all sorts of sex and violence while I was gone! Rockin'! //thumb
Carry on, my wayward sons!
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#642
okay, fine
Date: 09/22/2001
From: thedeadoutkast
i can understand how somepeople can get a little freaked at what i did. guess i crossed a few lines and im sorry. But you gotta admit, it was a little fun at first, right?
<i mean before the kidnappings and all, right?>
so, rimmi, we cool?
#643
Wait, it's over? No!
Date: 09/22/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
How does TDO get off with a talking to, and I get the crap kicked out of me? Explain to me how that's fair? I don't care that I wrote my own public beating, that's not the point. Wait, hold on...
(Rimmer hits TDO over the head with a chair)
There we go.
Mickey T. Gardener
3rd Place Wacky Racer
Time/Space Expert
What did I buy from Evil Mike, anyway?
#644
<Lita and Rimmer...
Date: 09/23/2001
From: Carmelita9000
...are seated on the sarcophagus. Evil Mike enters, holding a pincushion, some Zombie Powder, and a small box. He hands the Zombie Powder to Lita, and the pins to Rimmer, and starts to leave.>
Lita: Thanks, Evil Mike. Hey! What's in the box?
EM: Huh? Oh... um... nothing.
Lita: Nothing? Why are you carrying around a box of nothing?
Rimmer: Geez, Lita. It's obviously not really nothing. He just doesn't want to tell you what it really is.
EM: Look, can I go?
Lita: Where are you going?
EM: Just down to the hospital. I need to deliver this to MickeyTheGardener.
Lita: Oh. Ok. Hey, as long as you're on you're going to the hospital, you may as well give TDO here a ride. He doesn't look too good.
<Evil Mike looks where Lita is pointing. He sees TDO lying on the floor, and just as Lita said, he doesn't look too good.>
EM: How did he get here? What happened?
Lita: I don't know how he got here. But once he showed up, Rimmer hit him with a chair... for some reason...
Rimmer: He looked at me funny.
Lita: You didn't have to use the Lay-Z-Boy.
Rimmer: What, you got a better suggestion?
Lita: Anyway, drag him out of here, will you Evil Mike?
EM: Yeah, whatever.
<Some time later, at the hospital>
Nurse: Hey, Mickey.
Mickey: What?
Nurse: You're so fine!
Mickey: Uh...
Nurse: You're so fine, you blow my mind!
Mickey: Look... were you...
Nurse: Hey Mickey! *clap* *clap* *clap*
Mickey: What?
Nurse: Hey Mickey! *clap* *clap* *clap*
Mickey: WHAT??? (I should have gone to a better hospital.)
Nurse: You have a visitor!
Mickey: Oh? Who is it?
EM: Hey, Mickey!
Mickey: Shut up shut up shut up shut up shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup!
<Mickey leaps out of his hospital bed, and starts to strangle Evil Mike. Such behavior!>
EM: *GAAAK!!!* Stop... *choke* choking... *gurgle* me! *GAAAK!!!*
Mickey: <loosens his grip> Why?
EM: I brought you the thing!
Mickey: The thing?
EM: Yes!
Mickey: The thing you wanted 20 dollars for?
EM: Yes!
Mickey: The thing of Lita's you took while she wasn't looking?
EM: Yes!
Mickey: Hand it over!
<Evil Mike takes the box out of his pocket and hands it to Mickey. Mickey opens it and looks inside.>
Mickey: Oooooh!
EM: *ahem*
Mickey: What?
EM: <Holds his hand out meaningfully> *ahem*
Mickey: Oh! You wanted your 20 dollars!
EM: Yes…
Mickey: Well... see... hospital bills, you know. I don't have insurance! Funny world, isn't it?
EM: So, you're saying you're not going to pay me?
Mickey: I'd like you to think of it as... *GAAAK!!!*
<Whatever Mickey is hoping Evil Mike will think of it as shall remain unknown. Evil Mike is now strangling Mickey. Boy! Talk about hospital bills! But don't worry. I'm sure Mickey will be ok. Assuming he remembers about that 20 dollars he hid in his slipper.>
Mickey: *GAAAK!!!* Stop... *choke* choking... *gurgle* me! *GAAAK!!!*
EM: <loosens his grip> Why?
Mickey: I just remembered! I've got 20 dollars hidden in my slipper!
EM: Oh! See ya, chump!
<EM takes the 20 dollars and leaves. Mickey picks up the box and climbs back into his bed smiling. A few minutes later, a nurse wheels in another patient.>
Nurse: You've got a new roommate!
Mickey: Hey, neat! I like people! Who is it!
<Mickey looks over onto the gurney.>
Mickey: TDO?
TDO: Uuuuuuhhhnnnn....
Mickey: You don't look too good...
Lita
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
doesn't know what's in the box,
but Mickey probably shouldn't tell her.
You can bet she'd slap Evil Mike
if she ever found out what it was.
#645
TDO: Errrrnnnnn!
Date: 09/23/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
Mickey: Ooooohhhhh, are you doing impressions? Lemme guess, Ortega?
TDO: Ernnn-ernnn (nods; drinks a glass of water) That's better. Saaaaayyyyy, what's in the box?
Mickey: You wanna see, it's pretty cool. I bought it from Evil Mike. It used to be Lita's.
TDO: Is it sexy?
Mickey: Oh, I'll say...check this out...
TDO: Wow, hey, look at that...what is it?
Mickey: You've never seen one? It's a...
Nurse: (enters room) Phone call, Mickey. It sounds like that guy who was just here. Should I tell him to kiss my ass?
Mickey: No, that's okay. The slut. He gets enough action. Hello? You wouldn't. No. (Hangs up the phone) Hey, nurse, I have to go now. But I like you, so I'll give you some advice. When thousands of cute animals show up here in a minute, run.
Nurse: What about that? (points to TDO)
Mickey: Oh, TDO? He deserves to stay. Can you believe he's never seen one of these? (shows nurse what's in the box)
Nurse: I've never seen one of those either. What the hell is that thing?
(a small puppy enters the room)
Mickey: Oh, I'll explain later. Man, some people are so stupid. (Starts to leave room) Ahhhh, what the hey (puts TDO on a stretcher and brings him along) Don't say I ever didn't do anything nice for you.
(the three get out of the hospital just before...boom!)
Nurse: Wow, good thing you two boys were the only patients in that hospital.
Evil Mike: Damn. When am I going to learn? STOP CALLING AHEAD!!!
Mickey: Oh, Evil Mike...we hope you never learn, you crazy kid...Hey, TDO?
TDO: Wha...(gets punched in the face)
Mickey T. Gardener
3rd Place Wacky Racer
Time/Space Expert
Still has no clue as to what's in the box. What, you thought I was going somewhere with that?
#646
Let's Make A Deal!
Date: 09/23/2001
From: h_wood
<h_wood pulls up in a flat bed truck with what appears to be a game show set built into the rear. He steps out of the cab wearing a gold sequined tuxedo and carrying a stick microphone>
Cheesy voice: Okay now Mickey & TDO, you've had a while to think about it, and you can either take whatever the hell it is that's in the box of mystery, or you can choose what's behind curtain number 1, curtain number 2, or curtain number 3!
So, what's it going to be???
h_wood
"I like it very much."
Prince of Space
#647
Krankor: Man, you dont look so good.
Date: 09/23/2001
From: thedeadoutkast
<TDO's lab, tdo enters in a stretcher dragged by his mutant servants>
TDO: Of course i dont, moron! Rimmer gives me a chair shot despite the fact i apoligized to her for the stalkings and the kidnappings, then Mickey keeps me at bay with the whole box thing and then punches me for no apperant reason.<gets out of stretcher>
Krankor: So, do you want to get revenge now?
TDO: No. I've already spent too much time on Mickey.
Krankor: So, you wanna work on kiddnapping Rimmer again?
TDO: HELL NO! Didn't you hear what i said a few posts back? I apoligized for the kidnappings. So now i have to think of someone to harass, but it cant be sexual.
Krankor: Wow. you're pretty much screwed then.
TDO: Nope. I think i can still make myself the most dasturdly villian without offending anyone. Ill go after Evil Mike.
KRankor: Evil Mike? Are You sure?
TDO: HEy! I need someone to attack. and since evil mike it not even real, he's the excellent target.
Krankor: Good thinking. Oh, and you got a letter.
TDO: From who?
Krankor: That person you dont like very much.
TDO: ... What did she say?
Krankor: She says Torgo Stranded her in the Texas badlands. She feels scared and alone and wants you back.
TDO: ... So do i.
KRankor: But you called her a slut and a backstabber.
TDO: That was when i was trying to get into Rimmer's pants. Now i cant stop thinking of Steffi. She broke my heart. and now i can have her back. I am still heartbroken over rimmer, because i know whe is not what i want. STeffi is what i want. and i need her now...
TDO
student of experimentation
citizen of chaos
feels for the victims of the Hitler building disaster.
#648
Wow. Even after the apology...
Date: 09/23/2001
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
you managed to ick me out some more. That's why I'm still ignoring you. And I'm still pissed that I can say no but it takes a great load of people to say no on my behalf to get you to stop and apologize (but not without asking me to admit it was fun but adding the exclusion of the kidnappings as an afterthought).
Back to WHAT IS IN THE BOX?
Rimmi: I thought it was dreadfully obvious what was in the box as I made an ASCII image of Pharaoh's dead rotting corpse earlier but I suppose it's time to open the box and let everyone see for themselves. <Rimmi opens the box and reveals the alternate universe rotting remains that was once the royal rampaging body of PharaoahoaheeMoanbeezus>
Quick Evil Mike, give me the zombie powder.
<Rimmi, in typical rpg qicktime style sprinkles the powder on the stinky mummy, says a few words and it begins to twitch and tick. It's fingers shake and it's fleshless jaws open. From out of it's bony mandibles belches a cloud of dust, dust that once was alive and performed a function as working innards for this ghastly fellow when he lived upon this Earth at the expence of thousands of fellaheens. Dead for thousands of years this body finds life again as a zombie- a shell of bone and flaky skin. The monstrasity of nature sits up and let's out a morbid moans, an ungodly groan that suggests pain in each rotted muscle, tendon and joint. The hideous being looks around with eye sockets once filled with gelled orbs that looked upon palaces and sand dunes yet somehow these ghostly holes can see his surroundings. Probably a shock to the ancient fool that he's dead, he let's out another great cry that ends in a bit of a silly cough.>
Mummy: Blimey! This is a damnable situation, I say.
Rimmi: PharaohMobius? You're not a bloody brit.
Mummy: Crikey I should say not. I'm not even that git PharaohMobius.
Rimmi: How can that be? I was told you were PM from an alternate universe.
Mummy: No, I'm from this one. That Mobius bloke did this to me. He told me his whole plan before he killed me. He said Egyptians did this sort of thing all the time for a profit. The little twat needed a mummy so he found me, some poor prat off on holiday, and he felled me with a golden asp. He told me before I lost consciousness that he was going to sell me off as an ancient Pharaoh and collect big time upon my misforture.
Rimmi: How horrid! That really puts a damper on my plan to use this body of yours as a spell against him since you aren't him. Voodoo spells only work with a piece of the victims body or a posession.
Mummy: I say, that is rough. Wait, I do have this eyeliner crayon. He wanted me to look as authentic as possible so he used this on me. It's his very own which he accidently dropped in my sarcophagus.
<Rimmi picks up the eyeliner and smiles at Lita>
Rimmi: Look at this. We can still do that voodoo that we do so well and we have an ally. That is if you want to see PharaohFloppyboobius pay for what he did?
Mummy: Of course I do. And by the by my name isn't 'Mummy.' Mummy sounds a bit too maternal to me. Call me Lord Kinsey Figgybottom as it is my name.
#649
No, TDO.
Date: 09/23/2001
From: KingBoodozer
(No role playing here. This is for TDO only. To the rest of the RPG'ers, I apologize.)
_________________________________________
The Deadoutcast:
NO.
Did you understand that?
NO.
It's a simple word actually.
NO.
Rimmer told you no.
NO.
She doesn't want to play, that way.
No.
She asked you to knock it off...
You persisted anyway...
She asked you again...
You still didn't get it...
No.
Such a simple word.
No.
You eventually agreed, but...
No.
You wanted her to admit it was fun.
NO.
It was not fun.
No.
Not at all.
No.
It was pretty icky actually.
Understand this:
No means no.
KingBoodozer
The nasty little man.
KING!!
#650
So THAT'S whats in the box???
Date: 09/23/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
Evil Mike, you tricked me, h, can I have a curtain?
h: No. Those aren't the rules, sorry. And why aren't you wearing a costume? Face it, man, you were zonked.
Mickey: Damn. Evil Mike, I'm going to kill you.
EM: Hey, I AM evil, you know.
Mickey: But you told me this was Lita's...
Lita: AHEM!!!
Mickey: That this was Lita's (sees Lita making a fist) Ah hell, this was supposed to be her essay from a few responses back.
(crowd gasps in amazement)
Mickey: That's right. I was going to copy it. It's just, you know, I'm not that smart, and, with Lita's morals and all, I just thought...Sorry Lita.
Lita: That's ok, I guess. I'm actually a little relieved. I thought maybe it was...
Mickey: What?
Lita: You know, one of my, you know, girlie things.
Mickey: Girlie things? I said I was a gentleman. Now weren't you going to do something with Evil Mike.
Lita: Of course. (looks around) Hey where'd he go? RIMMER!!!
Mickey T. Gardener
3rd Place Wacky Racer
Time/Space Expert
Wonders why Time Chasers is so damn offensive, yet Invasion of the Neptune Men? That one's just dandy.
#651
No, that's not what's in *that* box.
Date: 09/23/2001
From: Carmelita9000
There was a mummy in the sarcophagus, but that's not the same box Evil Mike gave you. You can't fit an entire mummy into a little box that Evil Mike put into his pocket, Silly. What he gave you was in a totally other box. Now, I don't know if EM really gave you my 8 page essay on Literacy Practices or not, but he didn't give you the sarcophagus, or the mummy. Those are still at my place. :)
Lita
the plot's getting confusing!
and it's soon to get confusinger!
Next up - Lord Kinsey Figgeybottom
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